Have you ever been guilty of talking strictly in terms of your own interests?

Self-interest is an unfortunate part of the human condition that we all must face every day. It is a choice, a conscious decision to set your own agenda aside and focus on someone else's needs. As a current example, our teenaged daughter came home from work late the other night, and needed to get some frustration off her chest. My wife and I had each had an extremely exhausting day, and were ready for bed. We could have easily pushed off an important conversation until the next day, but that would have been another 20 hours until we could get together....but her need was "now". So, we gathered at the kitchen table and, over the next 2 hours, guided her through the issues she was facing. The next morning was a bit rough, but we knew that sacrificing a little time for someone else's emotion well-being is absolutely worth it.

How can you improve your interpersonal skills by talking in terms of other people’s interests?

Again, this is a conscious decision we must all make day to day, moment to moment. It's a choice to live out Gal 6:2 "Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ." A business mentor has a wonderful mantra that I adopted several years ago "X yourself out of the equation, and you'll know what to do". Romans 12:3 gives a great mindset reset that we can employ at any given moment: "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us."

What can you learn from listening to other people’s interests?

By listening actively to others, we gain insight into there interests and passions, and (most importantly) their current emotional and spiritual state. Active Listening plays a big role in family dynamics, ministry, business, and personal interactions; the practice is the same, the difference is the degree.

"Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. The phrase ‘active listening’ was first used by Rogers and Farson (2015) in the 1950s. They describe it as follows:

It is called ‘active’ because the listener has a very definite responsibility. He does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. He actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what he hears, and he tries, by his listening, to help the speaker work out his own problems". (Rogers and Farson, 2015)

-focus fully on the speaker

-avoid interrupting

-show interest

-avoid appearing judgemental

-provide feedback.

Reference: https://www.open.edu/openlearn/mod/oucontent/view.php?id=87005&section=2

How can you become more cognizant of making opportunities for others?

Through Active Listening, we can find common ground, both for immediate discussion as well as long-term opportunities to know others deeper. In some cases, finding a common interest can be leveraged to future meetings to dive deep when time is element. As an example, while chatting with someone at a coffeeshop, you find you have a common interest in performing music; this can lead to swapping contact info and meeting back up at that coffeeshop (another common interest) at a later date. Upon a second meeting, you may find more in common and go from rapport to developing an acquaintanceship, then on to a friendship. Before you know it, you're visiting at each others homes for a jam session, talking about "things that matter": the Lord, your families, your current struggles, your recent victories....you are now sharing your lives with each other. Granted most relationships do not go from 0 to "besties" in 3 cups of coffee LOL, but that is a way to open doors of opportunity for both parties.

How does Philippians 2:4 add new meaning to the way you view the subject of “networking” and "sharing" vs "pushing your agenda"?

As direct as Phil 2:4 is to state "Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.", the rest of that section of Scripture adds more nuance to our role in dealing with others...."You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had" (vs 5), and then describes the extent to which Jesus went to sacrifice His position on our behalf.

The Takeaway

Be like like Jesus by setting your agenda aside for others. If every one of us did that, bore the burdens of another, our own needs and desires will get fulfilled by default through trusting in God's provision through His people.