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Personal Reflections from Julie B.
Every thought is not mine. So I will take it captive and replace it with God’s Word.
Mercy! Yesterday I didn’t journal — and that’s okay. I did listen to my daily Bible reading — Book of Psalms 18–20 — on my way to work. Work was hard. I kept the lights off. I was exhausted. My neck and head hurt. By 12:30, I came home, put on my pajamas, and slept. I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t angry. I was just… struggling.
And then I ate. Not out of hunger — but out of "something else". Peanut butter cookies. Red Twizzlers. A bologna sandwich with American cheese on homemade bread. Pepperidge Farm cookies. Karma blueberry water. Bacon. Interesting how I could eat and eat and never feel full when the food didn’t serve my body. Yet two eggs with butter can make me feel completely satisfied. What is that??! I slept almost eleven hours — only waking briefly to call out of work and then falling right back asleep.This morning I drank hot water before my coffee.
Something is shifting.
My mind isn’t numb. I’m not depressed.But I can feel the internal wrestling.I’m trying to capture the thought —but I’m not sure which thought to capture.Is this good versus evil?Is this growth versus comfort?The “I have to cook” is fading.The “I want to” is quietly rising.Meals don’t have to be elaborate. They don’t have to be amazing every time. Tonight could simply be taco meat and black bean dip. The girls can eat it however they like.Simple is allowed.
Protect it.
Grow it.
...because one day that fire will become light for others —a place where they feel warm, safe, and seen.
Change doesn’t scare me. Uncertainty does. Not fear — just unfamiliar territory. Neil says it’s cool watching me change. And I think he’s right — it is change. Will I recognize myself? Will others? Will I become better… or worse?
I already know the answer. I won’t go back. Because growth doesn’t reverse. With Christ in front, I only move forward. Don’t settle for “it was better before.”T ake the small steps...the blind steps...The leap-of-faith steps.
When Jesus calls you onto the water, you walk. You don’t drown because of Him. You drown when you let your thoughts feed your fear. And those thoughts aren’t even yours. Take them captive. The Lord has you. I’m not giving up in this internal struggle. But I’m also not fighting the entire battlefield. There’s still a fire burning in me.
And that is worth walking forward for.
Julie Burcham is a licensed nurse, mom of 4 (and a dog & a cat), wife, and Jesus-follower. IG: @jazznotejem